How To Control Your Emotions With 4 Simple Steps
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In the working world, pressure and frustration can be a constant in your life. From dealing with difficult people to juggling several sensitive tasks, life at work can be stressful. At some point, you might feel the urge to snap and lash out. However, doing so would only cause more problems in your life. What you need to do is learn how to control your emotions. With the right approach, you can find a way to keep your temper in check and resolve your frustration peacefully. Here’s ho
What does it mean to control your emotions?
Whether you’re an entrepreneur or a freelancer, you’ll find yourself making several decisions at work. Some of these decisions can include the type of work you’ll do, the people you’ll appoint to a task, and the deadlines you set for yourself or others. Handling all of that can take a great mental toll, especially if things don’t go your way. No matter how bad things get, it is not a good idea to lose your cool. That’s why you need to learn how to control your emotions.
For example, I once walked into a restaurant to attend a business meeting. While there, I noticed that someone was looking at me in a certain way. He scanned me up and down and had a frown on his face. I turned to confront him, asking if we had a problem. Mind you, I was just feet away from a prospective deal or negotiation. Interestingly, the man said “No, man. I just like your shoes.”
That experience made me realize how important it was to learn how to control my emotions. I was practically in front of a business opportunity, a chance to do something useful, and I let my emotions get triggered needlessly. While I grew up as a hothead, that was no excuse for how I behaved or what I did. No matter how bad one occasion can be, you can’t expect to react to every situation the same way. By learning how to control your emotions, you can manage your response and find a calm way to handle things.
Why should you learn how to control your emotions?
Learning how to control your emotions can help you resolve a bad situation, like in the example above. However, it does more than keep you out of trouble. With enough practice, you’ll discover that learning how to control your emotions can make you a better person. Here are four ways it does so.
It helps you make conscious decisions.
When you get emotional or lose control, you tend to react without thinking things through. Sometimes, you could say things or do that are harsh or unfair, even if you don’t mean them. In other words, when you lose control of your emotions, you could lose control of your actions.
Mindfulness Meditation
Let’s start with one of the most well-known types, mindfulness meditation. As the name implies, it tries to get you to be more mindful of where you are and what you’re doing. Typically done with breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation puts your focus on every sensation in your body. You notice your breath fall up and down, your body as it rests on a bed or a mat, your ears as they pick up random sounds in the environment, and so on.
Learning how to control your emotions is a great way to stay conscious of what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. By being mindful of your feelings, it’s easier to see what the right choices are. For example, if you feel upset at someone’s behavior, you can choose to step away. Doing so prevents any harmful actions. Plus, it gives you time to relax and rethink things.
It helps you learn to understand and communicate your feelings.
The problem people have with their emotions is the lack of proper communication. Sometimes, they may feel stressed or annoyed but they don’t know how to share that. For instance, you might’ve had a bad time in traffic on the way to work. Once you get to work, you might get annoyed and snap at a coworker. The sad thing is that you didn’t even mean to get mad. You just felt so annoyed that you bottled it up.
By learning how to control your emotions, you can discover how you can identify your emotions and where they come from. Sometimes, the emotional triggers you feel come from your past. Other times, it could be a misunderstanding that can hurt or confuse your feelings. Once you know what you feel or why, that’s when you can learn to express yourself properly. For example, you can calmly explain to your coworker that you’re not in the mood to talk or to be disturbed.
It helps you find your limits and fears.
Oftentimes, people try to stay away or ignore their negative feelings. Whether it’s stress, anger, disgust, or confusion, they might think it’s not fair to feel that way. Some people might even see negative emotions as a bad thing altogether. However, being unhappy or feeling bad should never be invalidated. Working on the clock can cause stress or fear, and it’s normal to worry or grow concerned.
So, what can you do to help yourself? You can start by learning how to control your emotions. Once you understand how you feel, you can find the limits of your patience or temper. You can discover what makes you unhappy and why it bothers you. In other words, learning how to control your emotions can help you discover your limits. For example, you might be short-tempered and quick to snap. Learning that can help you start the journey to become more patient.
It helps you manage your stress and anxiety.
Emotions are a part of human nature. They carry with them all kinds of highs and lows. They can also affect how everyone, including you, handles stress and anxiety throughout the day. By learning how to control your emotions, you can discover the methods to manage your stress levels. This way, you can make smarter and safer decisions in the long run.
For example, think of the last time that you failed to do something at work. That kind of memory can seem stressful and cause you to worry. However, learning how to control your emotions means understanding why it feels stressful. Did you feel bad because you made a mistake? Do you think you can do better next time? If you ever face that situation again, how would you handle it? By asking these questions, you can start to make your negative thoughts into something motivational. Remember, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
What steps can you take to control your emotions?
Now that you know why emotional discipline is helpful, it’s time to discover how to control your emotions. Knowing what triggers you isn’t enough; you also have to learn what to do when you identify them. Here are four steps you can take to learn how to control your emotions properly.
1. Understand your emotions; don’t suppress them.
As said before, humans can’t bottle up their emotions all the time. Many people might think staying silent and keeping your feelings to yourself is better. However, doing so only builds up your emotional stress. Instead, examine what you are feeling and why. Take time to reflect and understand your emotions. That way, you can learn to reroute all that energy into something meaningful.
How can I do this?
One of the best exercises for understanding emotions is writing. It’s the best way to understand how to control your emotions and identifying them. Putting your thoughts into paper is a good way of expressing how you feel. The act of writing itself also lets you process your thoughts as you go. This allows you to see what your reaction is and gives you time to understand where it’s coming from. Make things easier by having a notepad or mood journal at your desk. This way, whenever something stresses you out, you can write down how you feel and why it bothers you.
2. Take deep breaths.
People like to imagine that emotions come from the heart, but that is untrue. Emotions are all processed in the brain. Consequently, that means that your emotions also affect how your brain behaves or feels. Studies have shown that stress can kill brain cells, impair short-term memory, and cause chemical imbalances that modify the brain’s structure. If you don’t know how to control your emotions, you risk harming your brian and your mind. Luckily, you have one asset in your body that can change all of that: your breath.
People like to imagine that emotions come from the heart, but that is untrue. Emotions are all processed in the brain. Consequently, that means that your emotions also affect how your brain behaves or feels. Studies have shown that stress can kill brain cells, impair short-term memory, and cause chemical imbalances that modify the brain’s structure. If you don’t know how to control your emotions, you risk harming your brian and your mind. Luckily, you have one asset in your body that can change all of that: your breath.
How can I do this?
Meditation is a great way to start practicing your breathing. It can be an enlightening mindfulness exercise, where you take a moment to step out and cool down. The best thing about meditation is that you can learn how to control your emotions in your way. Some people like to recite mantras and do slow counts. Others prefer silence or guided steps in the background. Whichever way you want to meditate, it will help you ease your thoughts and see things from a different point of view.
3. Don’t raise your voice.
Although people say that lashing out is never good, there are those who don’t understand why. The truth is that lashing out, as powerful as it seems, is never helpful. In an article for CNN, psychologist Jelena Kecmanovic found that many of her clients regretted lashing out. She said that though the act may bring temporary relief, it ultimately harms the relationships and trust they had with others.
As a working adult, the last thing you want to do is to upset or push away your colleagues or clients. While the urge to scream is strong, it’s not a valid reason to let out your frustrations. That’s why you need to learn to still your tongue. If you need to speak out, focus on talking calmly and directly. Raising your voice only invites trouble, no matter how valid your anger feels. Once you learn to control your emotions, you’ll see that there’s always a better way to handle the most aggravating problems.
How can I do this?
If you need to express your feelings, the important thing to do is to state them honestly. Making jokes or being passive-aggressive might sound helpful, but they can easily be misunderstood. Instead, focus on making yourself and your emotions clear to the other person. Simply stating that they said something offensive or annoying is a good start. This way, you can hear their side and see if they meant to say so or not. If not, then you can help them understand you and why you feel that way. With a few sentences, you can diffuse a big problem into a meaningful discussion.
4. Step back and reassess.
Lastly, if you want to learn how to control your emotions, you have to learn when to step back. While approaching the situation and discussing your feelings are important, it’s not easy. For you, it might be hard to even think straight when you feel so upset or stressed out. When this happens, it’s better to walk away and take some time out.
Once you do get a time-out, that’s when you should do all you can to calm down. You might need to count from one to ten as slowly as possible. You may need to walk around the block or do a short exercise. You might need a close friend to share your frustrations with. In all these cases, you must step away and let the steam out.
One more thing to remember is that you should take as much time as you need to. Sometimes, it can take five minutes to get your thoughts under control. Sometimes, it can take up to an hour to fully exhaust your anger to see things differently. However, don’t be afraid to take a moment to unwind. It’s going to help you in the long run.
How can I do this?
Having a timeout should always be temporary. You can’t avoid your problems forever, no matter how long you stay silent. That said, you have to be in the right headspace to speak about the issue or the problem. If you need to take a timeout, use it to do something to distract your mind. There’s no point in relaxing if you stew on the issue for several minutes. Instead, go out for a walk or do some meditation. Have a nice lunch, if hunger is also affecting you. Listen to some music that helps your mind ease up. In all these cases, you give your brain enough breathing space to wind down.
The sooner you do this, the sooner you can start to reflect on your feelings. Only then can you understand how to control your emotions properly.
Why should I meditate every day?
Now that you know these various types, it’s time to learn the different benefits of meditation. The reason why it’s still as popular today is because of how meditation has helped people. Some have been able to relax and reduce the stress in their lives, while others have been able to concentrate and focus better. Here are five benefits of meditation that you can get when you make it a daily habit!
5. It helps you reach your flow state.
Have you ever experienced a moment when you entered a flow state? It could happen when you put all your focus into a single task or objective, like a basketball player in a playoff game. Words, actions, and movements all seem to flow from you. It feels so natural that you manage to do amazing things without thinking about it.
Meditation could be the key to getting you there. Going into a flow state isn’t as easy as flicking a light switch. It can take some time for you to get fully engrossed in that state of mind. However, meditation is all about focus. Practicing it often can help you transition quickly from your normal state to your flow state. It’s like learning how to sit down and stand up; the more you practice, the easier the motion becomes.
Takeaways:
- Controlling your emotions is crucial at work and in life. It’s how you manage your responses to situations, especially during stress or pressure.
- Learning how to control your emotions offers several benefits:
- It makes you more conscious of your decisions.
- It helps you communicate your feelings effectively.
- It helps you understand your emotional limits and fears.
- It assists in managing your stress and anxiety.
- If you want to know how to control your emotions, you need to start by understanding them. Journaling can help you achieve this. Try writing down your feelings to better understand your emotional responses.
- Take deep breaths whenever you feel agitated or unhappy. This practice brings more oxygen your brain, allowing it to function better. You can do this with breathing exercises and meditation to process your thoughts.
- Don’t ever raise your voice. Lashing out damages relationships and trust. Express your feelings honestly and calmly.
- Step back and reassess. If you’re too stressed or upset, step back from the situation and take time to calm down. Sometimes, knowing how to control your emotions means knowing when to walk away.
- Ali, M. (2023, January 21). How To Control Your Emotions [Video]. YouTube.
- Kashouty, R. Accessed on March 20, 2023. 6 Ways Stress Affects Your Brain. Premier Neurology & Wellness Center.
- Kecmanovic, J. (2022, July 12). How to stop lashing out when you’re hurting. CNN.
- Mayo Clinic Staff. (2022, April 14). Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper. Mayo Clinic.
- Pedersen, T. (2022, June 17). Can You Control Your Emotions? Psych Central.
- Raypole, C. (2020, April 28). How to Become the Boss of Your Emotions. Healthline.
- The Continu Team. (2022, April 14). 15 Powerful Benefits of Emotional Intelligence Training. Continu.
- Wilkinson, J. Accessed on March 20, 2023. The Benefits of Emotional Regulation. Wellspace Counseling.
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